Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

'Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!' 'Goodness had nothing to do with it'.
- Mae West

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
- Woody Allen

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That clearly points to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
- Groucho Marx

He who can does. He who cannot, teaches.
- George Bernard Shaw

He who fights and runs away
May live to fight another day;
But he who is in battle slain
Can never rise and fight again.
- Oliver Goldsmith

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
- Mae West

He who hesitates is last.
- Mae West

Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned.
- George Bernard Shaw

Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.
- Homer Simpson