Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

Bart, stop pestering Satan!
- Marge Simpson

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things!
- Homer Simpson

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
- Woody Allen

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- Benjamin Franklin

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
- Mae West

Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female.
- Desmond Morris

But a lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
- George Bernard Shaw

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Chanel No. 5.
- Marilyn Monroe, asked what she wore in bed