Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

Women should be obscene and not heard.
- Groucho Marx

Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
- Rita Rudner

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
- Woody Allen

You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
- Will Rogers

You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!
- David Brent

You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
- David Brent

You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you're got music.
- Sid Vicious

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
- Homer Simpson

You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.
- Homer Simpson, to God