We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
- Will Rogers

Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.
- Will Rogers

What do I think of Western civilisation? I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mahatma Gandhi

What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
- David Brent

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
- Woody Allen

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
- Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
- Mark Twain

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
- Henny Youngman

When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
- David Brent