Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
- Mark Twain

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
- Mark Russell

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- Groucho Marx

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
- Oscar Wilde

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill

There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!
- Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.
- Mae West

There are three ages of man - youth, age, and 'you're looking wonderful.'
- Cardinal Francis Spellman

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli