Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
- Groucho Marx

The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.
- Voltaire

The light at the end of the tunnel is just the light of an oncoming train.
- Robert Lowell

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
- Jilly Cooper

The minute that you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.
- Will Rogers

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.
- Jeanne-Marie Roland

The more I see of the moneyed classes, the more I understand the guillotine.
- George Bernard Shaw

The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.
- Anton Chekhov

The Prime Minister has nothing to hide from the President of the United States.
- Winston Churchill, stepping from his bath in presence of President Roosevelt

The realisation that one is to be hanged in the morning concentrates the mind wonderfully.
- Samuel Johnson