Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
- Winston Churchill

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.
- Mae West

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
- Woody Allen

Another such victory, and we are undone.
- Pyrrhus

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- Groucho Marx

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
- Mae West

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
- Woody Allen

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
- David Brent