Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.
- Woody Allen

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
- Joseph Heller in Catch-22

Some people say there is a God; others say there is no God. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.
- W. B. Yeats

Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that.
- Bill Shankly

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
- W. C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
- W. C. Fields

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
- Homer Simpson

Stop thinking, and end your problems.
- Lao Tzu

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
- Homer Simpson