Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency
- welcome to a day in the average office.
- David Brent

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
- David Brent

Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning.
- George W Bush

Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
- David Brent

Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
- David Brent

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
- Woody Allen

Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.
- Mae West

See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?
- Will Rogers, to his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo