Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.
- David Brent

Never give a sucker an even break.
- W. C. Fields

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
- Winston Churchill

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness.
- Aristotle

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
- Rita Rudner

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
- Woody Allen

Nothing succeeds like excess.
- Oscar Wilde

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.
- Bill Vaughan

Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican.
- Lisa Simpson

Oh, Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
- Janis Joplin