Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
- Rita Rudner

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
- Homer Simpson

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
- Mae West

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
- George Bernard Shaw

Men are all alike - except the one you've met who's different.
- Mae West

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
- Rita Rudner

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
- Rita Rudner

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
- Rita Rudner

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Men like women with a past because they hope history will repeat itself.
- Mae West