Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

I love everything about you. Your lips, your eyes, your voice. The only thing I can't stand is you.
- Groucho Marx

I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.
- Charles Monroe Schultz

I never drink water, fish fuck in it.
- W.C. Fields

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
- Groucho Marx

I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
- Mae West

I never met a kid I liked.
- W.C. Fields

I often take exercise. Why only yesterday I had breakfast in bed.
- Oscar Wilde

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
- Mark Twain

I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.
- Woody Allen