Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

I don't think sex could ever be as rewarding as winning the World Cup. It's not that sex is not great; just that the World Cup is only every four years and sex is a lot more regular than that.
- Ronaldo

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
- Woody Allen

I drink therefore I am.
- W.C. Fields

I exercise extreme self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
- W. C. Fields

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
- Mae West

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
- Woody Allen

I have always felt a gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself.
- Mae West

I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
- Woody Allen

I have made an important discovery…that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.
- Oscar Wilde