Funny Quotes - Funny Sayings - Funniest Quotations

I am at two with nature.
- Woody Allen

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
- W.C. Fields

I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
- Noel Coward

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
- Joan Rivers

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
- Woody Allen

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they terrify me.
- Duke of Wellington

I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognise a good party man when I see one.
- Mae West

I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself.
- Mae West