He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

He's the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces.
- Mae West

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
- Woody Allen

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
- Mae West

Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.
- George Bernard Shaw

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
- Woody Allen

How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb

I always say, keep a diary and some day it'll keep you.
- Mae West

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor